Islander Café

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Re: Islander Café

Postby Raikou on Wed Apr 01, 2009 5:59 am

Raiko: Uh.. what's happening?

Plate: HELP ME!

Raiko: Oh, nothing important then. How long have I been out?

*looks to see bloody Plate spinning while the rest of the bar is laughing or unconscious*

Raiko: I missed the beating? WHY?!!!

*runs over to Plate and unties him*

Plate: Oh thank you, I don't know how to thank y..

*starts beating Plate with a broken bottle*

Raiko: WHY? WHY?! WHY!!?!?!?!?!?!
"Cake may not solve anything, but at least it makes the pain go away for a while. But when the cake is gone, the pain comes back, and then you're fat too. ;_;"

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Re: Islander Café

Postby Raijuu on Sat Jun 20, 2009 12:06 am

(Okay, to advance the plot. Someone has to die.)

Raijuu: *looks to see the cafe in disarray*

I blame Plate for all this disaster.

Inspector Plate: I do too! *hic*

Plate: Eh... I blame... him!
*points to a concrete block*

Concrete Block: I didn' do nothin'.

Raijuu: THERE YOU HAVE IT JURY AND JURORS! YOUR VERDICT!
*under his breath*
guilty

Raijuu: Guilty! Yes, we now execute Plate for the accusation of the Concrete Block!

Concrete Block: 's right, yo'.

Inspector Plate: *suddenly serious* No, it's my son that went wrong, I must take blame for his crimes. Kill me instead.

Plate: *looks in disbelief*

Concrete Block: I don' kno', man. 's doesn't sound right, 's all.

Inspector Plate: No, that's how it must be.

Concrete Block: I'll miss you, man.

Inspector Plate: And I too, you. Will miss. I will miss you, I mean.
You knew what I mean.
Know.
Shut up.

Concrete Block: *falls dramatically on Inspector Plate*

Inspector Plate: Noooooooo~~
Noooo~
Oooooo~
oooo
oo.
oo
o

Concrete Block: Yo, you're supposed to die, man.

Inspector Plate: Oh, that's right. Tally ho, and all that chaps.
Good bye, wot wot.

Concrete Block: When did you turn British?

Inspector Plate: Since... shut up.
*dies*

Concrete Block: Takes him a while, didn't it, huh, huh?
*nudges Plate*

Plate: WHWHWHWHWHWHW


...


Raijuu: ... And that's how I destroyed the haunted piano.

Inspector Plate: ... Why'd I die there?

Raijuu: That's a story for another day, Inspector. Story for another day...

Plate: THAT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH A PIANO OR ANYTHING HAUNTED!

Raijuu: WHY AREN'T YOU DEAD?!!
*starts beating Plate with a broken chair leg*

Inspector Plate: Oh jolly good, another pinata! *starts beating along*

..

Raijuu: ... and that's how I defeated the evil spoons.
*talking animated to the bar bench*

Plate: WHY AM I CONSTANTLY DEAD IN YOUR STORIES?!

Raijuu: Yeah, that's odd, that.

Hunk of Meat: 's waa~y too odd, man.

...

Stove: *wakes up*
Hey, this isn't that drink that I ordered!
*complains to a wall*
I wish to be the old man
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Re: Islander Café

Postby Raikou on Sat Jun 20, 2009 12:42 am

Raiko (Who suddenly has an extra 'u' attached to the name): Right! Now that I've beaten ol' Plate into a bloody pulp, I'm suddenly hungry. Who wants some brunner?

Plate: *Half dead* ... "Brunner"?

Raiko (Who suddenly has an extra 'u' attached to the name): Of course, my almost-dead friend! Brunner! It's like brunch, only with a bit of brinner added in for good measure. Who hasn't heard of brunner? So! Brunner, anyone?

*Wind passes through the cafe*

*Tumbleweed inexplicably drifts by*

Raiko (Who suddenly- Ah, screw it): Aha! We have a winner! What's your name, friend?

Tumbleweed: ...

Raikou: I see. You have amnesia? How tragic! We take good care of misinformed and ill-positioned people here at the Islander Cafe.

Plate: But watabbo me?

Raikou: Yep! Totally take care of misinformed and ill-positioned people. We definitely don't give out random beatings or anything.

Plate: Hay!

Raikou: *throws a chair at Plate*

Tumbleweed: ...

Raikou: Oh, this? This isn't a random beating. It's... um. For therapy. Yes. See, Plate here had a tragic past involving the Invisible Pink Unicorn...

Stove: *Still complaining to the wall* ... And this place is a mess! I mean, seriously, who cleans up this joint, anyway? It's like the janitor never cared for the past three months or something!

Wall: *... I'm not even a wall*
"Cake may not solve anything, but at least it makes the pain go away for a while. But when the cake is gone, the pain comes back, and then you're fat too. ;_;"

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Re: Islander Café

Postby Raijuu on Sun Jun 21, 2009 7:35 am

Inspector Plate: *wakes up, looks around, sighs* Well, I now see everything is in an okay state. I've been here far too long after all. And since I can't take your deed for being disorderly or overly violent; actually, that's the reason why I can't disband you, for the fear of my life *looks at his half-dead son* so I bid you all, adieu. If you have to bury bodies, please do it where I can't see you. I also have to revoke you of your license to... er, cook. If that is what you call you do here. I also am confused as to how this place manages to sell alcohol... but I'll come back to that one. I mean, we all need a place to hang out and beat up people, yes? *kicks Plate* In that sense, I'll leave your bar license. Off I go, then.
*to Plate* If you don't come back son, I'm going to have to disown you.

Plate: YES! I'LL COME WITH YOU!

Inspector Plate: Oh, no, I meant... I'm not your real father.

*unanimous gasp from all who are alive*

Plate: What?

Inspector Plate: The... *looks around*
*whisper* unicorn is.

Plate: *breaks down*

Inspector Plate: I'm off! Good bye, all!
*walks out to be mauled by invisible flying pink unicorns*

Stove: ... and so I say to you, what is wrong with this place, eh, eh, eh?!

Wall: *you know, I once was respected in this world... for being something everyone recognised. But now, everyone's like, oh, that's an inanimate object, let's abuse it by talking incessantly to it and bore the hell out of it. Well, no longer, I say. I'm not a a wall, and I'm a...*

Stove: ... Ey! You listening?! *swings a stool, hitting Plate in the process and into the wall*

Wall: *.... wall. Yes, a wall. I am a mountain of walls. And that didn't hurt at all.*

Tumbleweed: ....

Wall: *shut up.*
I wish to be the old man
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